When the spring game this weekend
Folks, I know what you’re thinking. What an asshole. Seriously, what kind of loser writes a headline like that? The Masters are on. It’s the first week of baseball. The NBA and NHL Playoffs kick off next week. The NFL Draft where half the stupid NFL will stupidly pass on the Michael Jordan of Football my large adult son Deshaun Watson is two weeks away. Who cares about a spring college football?
Well you know what everyone – we’re the god damn defending Champions. We’re the defending Champions for another 277 days until we walk into the brand new Butthole Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia and become the two-time defending College Football Champions.
So for the next 277 days you’re gonna have to deal with me acting like a goddamn defending National Champion. Yes, I am a defending National Champion. I spent four hard-fought years at that school earning a degree that I have thoroughly wasted on a career as a sports blogger and for that I will shamelessly count myself as not just a fan but as a goddamn ring-wearing member of the team. I watch every game. I live and die but almost always live every Saturday. I obsess over the successes and failures of these kids who are now all almost a half decade younger than me. And I make my not-nearly-substantial-enough living blogging and tweeting about the games for your enjoyment. I’ve earned the right to call myself a National Champion. And for the next 277 days and beyond you’re going to have to deal with it.
And if that means reading through a mid-spring blog about an inter-squad scrimmage when football is the furthest thing from your mind, then so be it. You’ll read it and you’ll watch that hype video and you will LIKE IT. Back on the O’Reilly Factor after these messa– they’re gone? They’re all gone?
Well don’t care if my advertisers pull out. I’ll write whatever the hell I want. Because I’m a goddamn WINNER. I am a CHAMPION. And FUCK IT I’LL WRITE IT AND WE’LL DO IT LIVE.
Aaaaand that is it for us today. I’m Ham. Thanks again for reading. We’ll leave you with Bill O’Reilly and a cut from his classics.
Game kicks off at 2:30 this Saturday on the WatchESPN App and not the actual ESPN because ESPN is an anti-Clemson propaganda machine that hates how great we are and will instead be broadcasting Florida State’s eventual 9-3 team instead of the Defending National Champions. Good stuff, ESPN.