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The reason I preach #Christianity. My daughters represent the right. Taylor Swift's vagina represents the left. https://t.co/4blQ5FrTJo—
Jennifer Mayers (@southern_mayers) June 16, 2016

I mean… I don’t want to be crass or anything… but I think I prefer the vagina I mean the sandwich on the left. Look, I’m a big guy. Well, big like fat… like my stomach… not the other big. I mean not not fat. Like… average, you know. I’m… well, I’m a fat person, that’s what I’m saying. And as a fat person I’m going to prefer the sandwich on left. I like to eat. I mean… not like that. Well I mean I guess if we’re being honest I’m usually down. It’s kind of a guilt thing, like… like an “ahhh, I probably owe you this” kind of th– well okay you don’t need to hear that. Sorry. So… sandwiches… love sandwiches. And sandwiches… the more meat the better, right? I’ll sacrifice sloppiness for satisfaction all day long. Shit I mean… Well, the sandwich on the left… You see, that sandwich… that sandwich is going to fill… well okay I guess the metaphor works the opposite… I mean… you know… like, being full… or… shit… well what I’m trying to say here is that I want that vagina on the left. I mean that sandwich. I mean… Okay, well… let’s talk about meat to bread ratio. I mean, you can’t have too much bread, you know? Like… at the very worst, you want an even ratio, right? And that vagi– I mean that sandwich on the right… I mean, there’s just too much yeast on– OH SHIT fuck sorry, sorry. That was… I mean you know what I was trying to say, right? Like if it’s that little meat you want a flatbread sandwich, right? Like a… okay like… like a panini, right? Just… I want… I want a sandwich… I want a sandwich that was made by someone who knew what they were doing. A… a sandwich maker with some… experience… like someone who’s made enough sandwiches in her day. But not too many, you know. Someone who’s gonna give you everything you want, and not… like who won’t leave you wanting… more… I guess? You guys all… I mean… SHIT FUCKING FUCK THIS SHIT goddammit lady don’t put this ham sandwich vagina analogy in my face you fucking lunatic. My brain is absolute ruined for the rest of this week. FUCK.