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The internet has made me a pretty cynical guy. Very cynical, to be honest. Like, annoyingly cynical. That’s why my friends call me Cynical Ham sometimes (that’s not true). I still think Deflategate was a completely fake controversy manufactured by the NFL to maintain a stranglehold over the sports media cycle while deflecting attention away from increasing concerns over concussions and domestic violence… and I HATE the New England Patriots.
My shit detector is up for anything entertainment related. Everything is viral marketing. Everything is a contrived storyline to attract media. It’s all bullshit.
Shit… I still think Trump is a Clinton plant that Bill and Hillary encouraged to run because of the mutually beneficial outcome of 1) Trump clearing the way for a Hillary Presidency by destroying the Republican party, distracting attention away from multiple scandals that absolutely would have submarined her if she was running against any other candidate, and turning her into a sympathetic, seemingly progressive candidate when juxtaposed to his nationalist demagogue schtick that an alarming number of people seem to be totally cool with… And 2) Trump becoming the most famous man on planet earth who–after losing the election by like 100 electoral votes–can start his own media empire and make outrageous profits without the pressure or responsibilities of public office.
Yeah… that’s me… Cynical Ham.
I didn’t write about Ken Bone yesterday because I was still wary of the many potentially bad outcomes. That name, the look, everything was just too perfect… what if this is all just a giant prank? The internet seems to dig up dirt on ANYONE in the public eye… what if something really dark popped up from Ken Bone’s past? The guy was schedule to be on about 15 different shows yesterday… what if he was really just an unlikable guy? What if the media or social media just beat the joke into the ground too quickly? What if he became the Joe The Plumber of this election for one of the candidates and killed all the innocence and humor of that moment? I didn’t want to get too attached to Ken Bone… I didn’t want to look like a fool if it all went wrong. I just didn’t want to feel that feeling.
Now? Now I can’t believe I ever thought this Ken Bone thing would go south.
My man absolutely CRUSHED on Kimmel last night. Perfect amount of dry, self-deprecating dad humor. Perfect amount of “end of a long day” half-enthusiasm. Perfect amount of “this should be significantly more awkward but it just hasn’t reached that point” feeling to the interview. And a perfectly sane, normal answer to who he’s voting for that I think the majority of sane, normal Americans agree with. Incredible, incredible stuff.
I can’t believe I ever doubted this man. I can’t believe I let my cynicism get the best of me. The second Ken Bone popped up on my television screen on Sunday Night I knew there was something special about him and I never should have let that feeling go away.
I’m a Bone Head for life, forever a member of the Bone Zone.
Just please stay away from wife, Ken.
P.S. This picture and twitter avatar and name change will be relevant for maybe 24 more hours. Maybe.
Still worth it.