“Fake Freckles” Are Now A Thing And As An Irish Man, I Am VERY Offended

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Uproxx  —  If you’ve ever wanted to capture the beachy, fresh-faced look of freckles but don’t want to risk the sun damage, this trend may be up your internet alley. A new company called Freck Yourself has waged a semi-grassroots campaign to bring semi-permanent freckles to a face near you. The ingredients for this trend isn’t as simple as thighbrow, but fake freckles could become a common thing. Sure, one can always mark up their face with a cosmetic pencil, yet the results aren’t realistic. Plus, the thought of dutifully dabbing away each day is an energy drainer. This company wants to alleviate the stress of looking like a sun-drenched goddess by offering its product (as featured in outlets like The Telegraph andTeen Vogue) on shelves. A Kickstarter project is in the works to make the freckle kit available. The company’s setup sounds convincing:

The kit comes with 72 self-adhesive stencils and a rollerball of formula that is similar in formulation to sunless tanner. The freckle patterns look natural and last two days. Users who apply Freck Yourself every morning have several layers of faded frecks, which produces incredibly realistic results for four to six weeks.


Ohhhh no, no, no, no, no. No way. No chance. We’re not doing this shit internet. Fuck if I’m gonna let these chicks appropriate freckles like they are some sort of beauty accessory. Freckles are not eyeliner or lipstick or motherfucking mascara.

Freckles are freckles.

They are marks to physically differentiate the comedically and intellectually superior individuals of Irish descent from the pale disgusting beasts of England and Europe. They are a badge of honor that we wear, acting as both a show of our witty nature and heritage, and also a reminder that we’ll get skin cancer if we stand in the sun for five minutes.

You don’t get to stick a pad on your face and get this shit. It takes billions of years of ancestry to earn these concentrated clusters of melanin. These colors don’t run, and these spots can’t be washed away if you want to look “beachy” one day and “ethnically tan” the next. Freckles have always and will always belong to the Irish and old black guys like Morgan Freeman, and I’ll be damned if I let a couple chicks steal this shit just to mix it up on Instagram.

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Email me at ham@whatstheaction.com.
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