There’s No Way This Is Actually JK Simmons, Right?

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Every time we train together I forget he's 61 years old. So much respect for this guy. #JKSimmons #OldManCranking

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Nope. Uh-uh. No way. I absolutely, unequivocally refuse to believe that is 61-year-old JK Simmons. Show me all the different photos at different angles that you want. Show me a license and a passport and a motherfucking DNA test. Show me a video of him demanding Peter Parker get him the pictures or telling Peter Klaven his best friend is Hank Mardukas or screaming right in Miles Teller’s face. That’s not JK Simmons. That’s a random man pulled off the street with JK Simmons’ eye structure but a beard to cover up his unfamiliar chin. And it’s all to trick stupid bloggers on the internet into writing a blog about how yoked JK Simmons got to play Commissioner Gordon.

Well not this blogger. Because that’s not JK Simmons. This, below, is JK Simmons – acting his ass off in a minor but nonetheless hilarious role in I Love You Man. That guy above with the bowling ball biceps and veins popping out of his skin? That’s not JK Simmons.


P.S.   There’s really nothing special to me about a Hollywood people getting in shape. Two-a-day workouts and strict dietary restrictions aren’t really that hard when you have a personal trainer and a personal chef and it’s literally your job to get in shape. And while David Ortiz has to work to stay ahead of testing with his steroids and Kobe has to fly to Germany for stem-cell treatment and the Cowboys offensive line has to keep their HGH use on the down low, actors and actresses can pretty much do whatever they want in terms of performance-enhancers.

But JK Simmons? This is impressive. Impressive not because he’s 61. Or because there isn’t really a reason to get jacked to play a police commissioner.

I’m impressed because that’s real strength, not Hollywood muscle. JK Simmons has had old man strength since before he ever picked up a dumbbell. There’s no need performance enhancers. Strong without ever lifting a weight, like a dude who’s worked construction his whole life. He’s the type of guy who could rip one of those impossible-to-open plastic packages on the first try. He’s has a vice grip since his early 20’s, and could knock you out with one punch. Even if he worked a 9 to 5 and just started hitting the gym at 61 as a hobby, he’d get that jacked almost immediately.


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