The Mooch! The Mooch! The Mooch is on fire!
The flame that burns twice as bright lasts half as long. The brightest stars burn for the shortest time. You know the trope because it’s the exact same thing we all said when The Mooch’s ten glorious days as White House Communications Director came to a close. I mean literally everyone said it. But it bears repeating because in all the years there has been no more applicable example than with the Mooch.
Ten days. In ten days we got everything from The Mooch leaving his pregnant wife to Steve Bannon sucking his own cock. He deleted his tweets to be transparent, wore women’s sunglasses, imitated Trump’s hand movements, got the Chief of Staff to resign, gave a very on-the-record interview in extremely off-the-record fashion, started about a dozen different fires, failed to actually put any of them out, and completely dominated the news cycle in a way we haven’t even seen from Trump himself.
And for the first and only time in this administration, we were one unified country. The Mooch became a universally beloved figure for simply — whether intentionally or not — making it all feel like one big joke we were all in on together for a week. I’m being completely serious when I say that The Mooch was the most unifying figure this country has seen in the last two years. Left wing, right wing, or centrist. Democrat, Republican, or blogger. For too brief a moment in time we all got to laugh in amusement at this caricature of a caricature of a caricature of a caricature as he dodged ducked dipped dived and dodged his way through ten of the most hilarious days in American history.
I mean seriously… look at this approval rating:
We won’t ever get back there. I mean, sure, anything is possible with this White House. But positions as visible as White House Comms Director only come open so often and men like The Mooch come around even less.
For now let’s just be grateful that The Mooch is back in our lives.
Sure we can’t replace that feeling of hearing “I’m not Steve Bannon. I’m not trying to suck my own cock.” for the first time. But watching him make us vote for his next follow is hilarious. And I can’t wait to see what happens next.
God Bless America.
P.S. This is either the exact moment in time that the Mets franchise turns around or will send them spiraling into the abyss for another three decades. Which, I guess was probably where they were headed anyway so hey what’s there to lose, right?