Good Morning On This Beautiful Friday To Everyone Except Taylor Swift

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I wish I had more hands…

So I could give that song four thumbs down

God damn man. What a massive, massive letdown.

Beautiful Friday. Sun is shining. Birds are chirping. Windows open in the apartment because the city isn’t miserably hot outside. On my way to sit on the beach and drink one million beers yes one million beers but actually probably spiked seltzer goddammit I am such a loser jesus christ just stop this sentence already dude.

We should be going into this weekend with a heater like Blank Space or Shake It Off. Instead we get this dark euro mashup of Glamorous and I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt.

Good lord does this song stink. There’s one part in there… the buildup to the chorus with the piano key… where it makes you go “oh okay okay this chorus might actually be a banger let’s see let’s see…”

And then it goes right into the I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT chorus and you realize holy shit this song stinks and it just gets worse and worse from there. The verses? Garbage. The little drama drama karma part? Awful. And then this…

I mean… get the absolute fuck out of here Taylor. The old Taylor is dead? Whom in the fuck do you think you are?

Kanye made “I Love Kanye” which is one of the most brilliant, introspective, hilarious parts of an outrageously good album which ALSO ohbytheway transitions into the Waves beat and if you don’t jolt your entire body forward when that beat kicks in you don’t have ears.

Taylor said “The old Taylor can’t pick up the phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she’s dead” in the middle of an I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt remix that wouldn’t get spin in the middle of a leather-bound nipple-clamped euro basement techno orgy if it was the last song on earth.

Oh and if this was intentional… which given how calculated Taylor has been her whole career is a pretty fair assumption… then she can fuck herself fifty ways to Friday.

Ye forever. Fuck your set Taylor.

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