I Hate The Rest Of This Country So Much

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Look, I get that different regions have different dialects. You vs. Y’all. Soda vs. Pop. Sub vs. Hero. Mary vs. Merry vs. Marry. I mean… I know I say all of them correctly. It’s You. It’s Soda. It’s a Sub. And yes, those are three different words.

But I get it. People are raised with a dialect and that’s what they know. I get y’all. I get pop. I get hero. And yes, I get to a certain extent that people are too lazy to differentiate between three COMPLETELY DIFFERENT words.

But Tennis Shoes…

Tennis Shoes is where I draw the line.

I mean… WHAT did the sport of tennis do to earn the right to every pair of sneakers. When you put on your “rubber soled shoes worn for athletic activity”, how often are you actually playing tennis? One out of every thirty times? Every fifty? EVER? How many people in the non-northeast part of this godforsaken country who call them “tennis shoes” have actually ever picked up a tennis racket? What about Jordans? Do people call them Jordan tennis shoes? If you have a fashionable pair of sneakers do you call them fashion tennis shoes? And what about non-white sneakers? Didn’t you have to wear white sneakers playing tennis? Then how can you call them tennis shoes?

I just… I don’t get it. I don’t get why this is happening. This isn’t about accent. This isn’t about regionalism. This isn’t about history.

This is 80% of this stupid country naming the things the wear on their feet for all athletic activity after the sport of tennis. Using their logic, these things they designated for one sport just happen to also be the thing they use for almost every other physical activity.

It’s so stupid I can’t even think of a good analogy. It’s so obscure of a use for sneakers that I can’t think of something so rarely used to joking name an article of clothing. It’s like calling your work button downs your “church shirts” when you only go on Christmas — but stupider.

Call them running shoes. Call them sports shoes. Call them movement shoes. Or just call them sneakers like a normal human being. I don’t care. Just stop calling them tennis shoes.

Because the vast majority of this country calling sneakers “Tennis Shoes” is the most disconcerting thing I’ve heard about America in the last… well I guess the last 24 hours


P.S.   Hawaii just calling everything “shoes” is so perfectly Hawaii. Like in the rest of the country specific shoes are work for specific purposes. Dress shoes, work shoes, workout shoes, etc. etc.

Hawaii is so on island time that it doesn’t even matter. There’s just shoes or no shoes. People wearing sneakers to work. Flip Flops to work out. Dress shoes to the Luau. No shoes acceptable literally anywhere. Whatever. Island time baby.

What a life.



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