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*grabs pen and paper*

Do… Not… Ever… Talk… To… Or… Look… Mister… Harvey… In… The… Eyes… EVER.

Got it.

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So how about Steve Harvey, the real life Tracy Jordan? Do not talk to me. Do not come in my dress room unannounced. Do not greet me in the hallway. Do not speak words nearby me. Do not look at me in the eyes. No. Not in the eyes. Look away. Look over there. As a matter of fact get out. Leave. Leave the building. You’re fired. Give me your car keys. Give me your wedding ring. Your wife is mine now. But if she talks to me she’s fired too.

And you know what? I love it. I’m all in. Look there are no half measures in this celebrity life. You don’t live in the middle. That’s for normal people like you and I. I’m a good person half the time and an asshole the rest. I’m depressed half my life and happy the rest. I balance it all out because that’s the way you go through life as a normal person. That’s what normal life is. If you’re a celebrity you live life full throttle. You go head first into whatever you’re doing. If you’re happy go lucky then be happy go lucky. If you’re pretentious then be pretentious. And if you’re a dick then just be a dick all the time.

Stevey H. has that all figured out. No frills. No faking it. No wasted time. I’m going to be an asshole and tell you I’m an asshole because I’m a celebrity and this is exactly what I want to do.

And even if you hate it, you can’t disrespect it.

 

Good on you Steve. Enjoy that you time.

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