Someone Get This Deer A Helmet And Pads

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Good lord man. Dude flew in there like Earl Thomas on steroids adderal. Full speed, perfect form, just how they teach you in pop warner. Buddy squared up and hit a coming target with the timing of a goddamn fighter pilot. Fit him for a helmet and make sure he gets the smaller should pads that give you more freedom of movement. I’ve got a spot at Strong Safety and camp starts next week.


And, more importantly, how about getting the footage a week later? This guy finally getting the video proof has to be one of the top five all time “SEE, I TOLD YOU” moments with his buddies. I mean seriously, think about that. Dude probably showed up the bar the next day like, “You’ll never believe what happened fellas…” and proceeded to explain how he get blindsided like mid 2000’s David Carr getting out of his truck. Had a black eye and everything. Tells the whole story. And his buddies are sitting there like “yeah fucking right dude, what did you get drunk and fall into the door again?” I mean there is a 0.0% chance that any of them bought it. And they proceeded to spend the next week absolutely destroying him in the group chat and right to his face for such a ridiculous lie. The Boy Who Cried Deer.  Who would every believe that.

And low and behold, one week later, he’s got the goddamn footage and he’s sitting on that first group text like “oh these motherfuckers are gonna GET IT!”

I mean what a surreal moment. I’m giddy just thinking about it. There is nothing… and I mean NOTHING better than a good “I told you so.” Nothing better than proving your friends wrong and making them feel stupid and then basking in the glory as they deflect or try to change the subject. And this guy might have the best “I told you do” of all time. God damn I’m jealous.

You know… except for the Grade 2 Concussion and the next two to five months of looking over your shoulder for another deer as if it’s your bookie coming to collect. That part I could do without. But for the sake of getting to say “I told you so”, it might all still be worth it.



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