Brock Osweiler Has Been Traded To The Cleveland Browns. I Repeat, BROCK OSWEILER HAS BEEN TRADED TO THE CLEVELAND BROWNS

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I don’t even know what to make of this. I’m honestly just sitting here vacillating between fits of laughter and states of shocked paralysis.

Has there ever been a trade this bad? Not like, “one team got robbed” or “this team lost the trade” or “this is bad for both sides”.

Just simply in terms of the amount of failure involved in a single trade. There might not be a transaction in the history of sports that has involved this much failure all the way around.

On the surface you think, okay, the Browns won this trade. They get a second round pick for nothing other than swallowing an awful contract. And with their insane abundance of cap space, there’s really not an issue. They’ll swallow Brock contract, draft a rookie QB, and hand over the keys by week five at the latest.

But the thing is… they’re the Browns. A second round pick is as valuable an asset as you can have in this league. And their front office seems to significantly smarter than ever before when it comes to talent evaluation. But the Browns are the Browns. They will find a way to blow that pick and draft either a complete bust or a guy who’s knee explodes before minicamp.

And Osweiler? Folks,,,,, if you think for one second that Brock won’t be starting every game for them this season you have another thing coming.

Watch… just watch. They will take Myles Garrett number one — which, when removing my bias towards my large adult son Deshaun Watson, is probably the correct football decision. Watson, MITCHELL Trubisky, and DeShone Kizer will get drafted before the Browns come up again at number 12. And they’ll be left with Osweiler and RGIII going into this season. And because RGIII is RGIII, he’ll win the job and then get hurt in the preseason.

Opening day, Brock will be the starter. And the… now hear me out here… the Browns will start winning.

They have, contrary to popular belief, built a decently talented roster. They won’t sniff the playoffs or anything. But they’ll win themselves six, maybe even seven or eight games. And they’ll compete. Enough so that they’ll fall out of the top ten picks next season. They’ll run the ball a ton behind a quality O-Line. They’ll win some games with their defense. And Brock will be juuuuust competent enough that they’ll think, “Eh, maybe we run this back”. They’ll have won enough games that they’ll draft too late to find a franchise QB in the draft. And they’ll think, “Fuck it… we have enough young talent around Brock to contend.”

And then, my friends, they will be stuck riding the Brocketship to eight wins a year for the next half a decade… Because they are the Browns.

Maybe this front office is actually great. And they build up a phenomenal roster with a super talented defense and a great offensive line. I want that. I want the Browns to succeed. But they will never ever ever ever ever draft franchise quarterback. Ever. Don’t believe me?


It’s never going to happen*. End of story.

(*Unless they draft Deshaun. He will be their Lebron and win five super bowls. Just, you know, putting that here for the record)

(Also, if the Browns decide to cut Osweiler now and ruin this whole blog, please pretend I wrote it)

On the flip side, you think… Okay, maybe the Texans “won” the trade. Sure, they had to give up a supremely valuable asset in a second round pick. But they rid themselves of the a terrible decision. Rather than riding the Brocketship barely a few feet off the ground for the next few years, they pulled the rip cord. It cost them dearly, but it’s better that they recognized it early rather than pretend it could be fixed, right?

The problem is, they’re gonna turn around and immediately hand the keys to Tony Romo. That’s what this move was for. And I’d expect a news break on that before I even finish this blog.

Now let me first say that I like Tony Romo. I think Tony Romo is an awesome quarterback. who gets a bad rap and got some awful breaks. Even as a Giants fan and devout Dallas Hater, I could never hate the guy. There’s nothing he could do about the injuries. Except, maybe slide better. Last year was his fault. But I genuinely think he was a great quarterback who could have won a Super Bowl if some things broke his way. I think the Cowboys are as good if not better with Romo last year. And I at least believe Romo has the experience and the wherewithal that Dak, who I do think is very good, might not’ve had yet to overrule the decision to spike the ball against Green Bay.

But what last year also proved is that Tony Romo, much like the Browns, is eternally cursed.

Tony Romo will never win a Super Bowl. It’s not his fault… it was just his fate. And as nice as this Houston situation and those receivers and that defense will look around him, there’s not a doubt in my mind that he’ll be in a sling on the sideline watching Tom 21 Savage throw three to twelve interceptions against Denver come Wild Card Saturday at 4pm come January 6, 2018. The same Denver team, ironically, that he’ll have passed over to stay in Texas and play in Houston.

Jot that down and take it to the bank.

Which means that all in all, this trade will be a complete failure. Not a bad trade. Not a win or a loss for either side. Just a complete and total failure all the way around because of the various entities involved. IT’s like

And again, if the Browns draft Deshaun Watson I take all of this back because the Browns will win five of the next twelve Super Bowls.

I love my son.



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