Just A Bunch Of Turkeys Walking Around A Dead Cat In A Satanic Ritual. Nothing To See Here. Move Along

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Yo man… the end of days is near.

And look, I understand that nature is weird. Believe me. I totally get that. There are things that we’ll never understand about animals and plants and the way they function. I’m okay with that. There are plenty of instances of weird things occurring in nature that I’m willing to write off as nature just being nature.

You know why I can’t do that here? Because there are like fifty turkeys there. When have you ever seen more than five turkeys together in the wild? Shit, more than like two? We’re not talking about a herd of buffalo or a school of fish here. Turkeys don’t travel together. And yet there are like fifty goddamn turkeys here. What’s up with that? It’s like a gathering of the five families except instead of sweaty mobsters in a restaurant basement it’s swarms of turkeys circling a dead cat.

This isn’t nature. It’s a satanic ritual. And if this dude could pause the Rihanna in the background for a second I bet we’d hear some tantric chanting or rhythmic stomping to go along with this.

Folks, the end of days is near. I don’t know how it will end. I don’t know when it will end. I don’t know why it will end. But when you’ve got turkeys performing the devil’s magic on a dead cat… which we of course know is evil, because it is a cat… then we know something is up. The end of days is near. And hey, I’m here for it. Life is trash anyway.

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