American Airlines’ New Basic Economy Fare Is PRETTY Basic. Like, Bare Bones Basic. (And I’m Here For It)

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CNN  —  American Airlines is the latest airline to offer stripped-down airfare for a lower price.

Passengers will soon be able to purchase Basic Economy fares that are the lowest available price, but they come with some sacrifices. These fliers won’t get a seat assignment until check-in, can’t use overhead bin space and will be the last group to board.

The tickets are also non-refundable and are not eligible for an upgrade.

Basic Economy fares will go on sale in late February in 10 markets with plans to expand into other routes throughout the year.


American Airlines’ new Basic Economy Fare:

  • Seat assigned at check in
  • No overhead bin use
  • Last group to board
  • No Food or Drinks
  • No Restroom Access
  • Limited Oxygen
  • You’re actually sitting in storage
  • Just kidding, get off the plane you poor

In all seriousness I’m here for cheap flights. Bottom barrel pricing baby. I don’t care where I sit or my amount of legroom or how much overhead space I have and certainly not when I’m allowed on the plane.

I flew just this past week (to a friends place, to watch the National Championship, which my Clemson Tigers won, just wanted to repeat that) and came to a realization: nothing will ever make flying good. Unless you park me in a first class cabin with a retractable, walled-off bed, flying will always suck.

Seating? I can be in the emergency row by myself of the middle seat of the last row that can’t recline even an inch. Unless I’ve loaded myself up with Z-quil and/or copious amounts of alcohol, I’m not sleeping. Every bump of turbulence, every announcement, every gust of wind from a person walking down the aisle, I’m awake. Laptop, movie, book, podcast, music, whatever. Where I sit has nothing to do with how I consume that. I’ll take the cheapest seat and spend the difference at the airport bar.

Overhead space? Folks, if you still worry about overhead space you’re a sucker. Everyone who’s anyone knows the move is to carry on, be the last person on the plane, see that all the overhead bins are full, and have the stewardess take you bag and check it down low for free. Best case it’s right there off the plane. Worst case it goes to baggage and you have to wait 10 extra minutes. Which is still fine tradeoff because you don’t have to worry about walking back five rows to get your bag, or dragging it through the airport, or paying the original checking fee. Which leads me to my lat point:

Last Group To Board. Folks, there are a lot of generally held beliefs that confuse the hell out of me. Ketchup (which is trash) being the most popular condiment. Exercising, just in general. Traditional curse words still being taboo to the point that I have to censor my own blogs for potential employers.

But right at the top of that list is the idea of rushing to board an airplane. WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE F–K ARE WE DOING HERE PEOPLE? What is the rush? Oh hey, let me stand up for 20 minutes next to the gate waiting for my group to be called so I can sprint onto the plane, stand in line as people lift their bags into the overhead, and sit in my cramped little seat getting bumped into or asked to be stepped over for an extra 30 minutes before takeoff? Awesome, dude.

Go for it. I’m going to sit at the airport bar or in my spacious seat, next to an outlet, sucking every last second out of the free wifi and leg room I’ve been afforded outside that metal tube I’m about to inhabit for the next four hours.

I’m the last person on my flight no matter where I’m sitting because guess what, that plane ain’t leaving until it has to leave. I’m #TeamLastBoardingCall and I’m #TeamLastBoardingCall for life. Hey, I might even luck into an empty row if the plane’s not full and everyone else has taken their seat.

So to end this blog I’ll say this. I’m in, American. Give me low fares, treat me like garbage, throw be in storage if you need to. I’m getting from Point A to Point B no matter what.

And also yes I’m very broke.

 



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