Lindsay Lohan Debuted A Fancy New Accent This Week That In No Way Sounds Fake

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Look, I’ve got no problems with Lindsay rolling out this accent here. She wants to sit around and play pretend and change her voice, good for her. She lost her marbles somewhere between Herbie Unloaded and her fourth stint in rehab. The fact that she’s still alive and kicking is insane in itself. You live that fast and hard and make it to 30 like Lindsay has (congrats on staying alive, LL), you can do whatever the hell you want. This is borrowed time. And the fact that she’s at least making some kind of effort to help Syrian refugees, even if all she’s done is send them budget redbull and open a night club in Greece (I think that’s what she’s talking about here but to be honest I didn’t listen to a word she said), is pretty admirable. If she wants to change her voice? Hey, go for it Lindsay. A full blown image transformation wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, to say the least.

Though this moment in the interview was laugh out loud funny

My problem here isn’t with Lindsay.

My problem is with Brianne of Tarth and the Silver Surfer.


It’s not even really a problem, it’s more of a question. I’m just fascinated by them. How fraudulent of a human being do you have to be to sit there and admiringly listen to Lindsay Lohan talk complete nonsense in a fake accent? How out of touch are you with reality that you’re listening to this well-known celebrity talk to you in a voice that you KNOW is fake, and you’re still eating up every word? Is it that they’ve changed their own persona so many times that they don’t even exist in the normal world anymore. Is that it? Like… do they admire it? Are they impressed by it? Or are they so far down the rabbits hole of narcissism that they believe it actually happened? Have they changed their persona so many times that they believe someone’s voice can actually change depending on their level of “cultural exposure” or something like that? It’s wild to me that we live in a world where people like that exist.


P.S.   I don’t know if it’s the plastic surgery or the coke or what but Lindsay Lohan’s face has been in a perpetual state of “I just got stung by no less than 25 bees” for the last decade. Fat face on a hundred thousand trillion.

P.S.   Is there a weirder word to type than debuted? For some reason I’ve typed it like 15 times this week and each time it feels less and less correct. I’m just sitting there reading it as “day-bew-ted” and thinking “there’s no way that’s right” every single time. I’ve double and triple and quadruple checked it and yet I’m still convinced it’s wrong. I need to debut a new word for debuted on here or I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.

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