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So last night they threw this graphic up in the middle of Carson Wentz’s performance. All the QB’s from FCS schools who have won Super Bowls or something to that effect. I’m not sure. I didn’t get a chance to look at the entire graphic. I mean I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Because right there in the middle was this absolutely outrageous picture of Phil Simms from Morehead State.
LOOK AT THAT HAIR. LOOK AT IT. It’s like a bowl cut married it’s mop top cousin and this haircut was the incest baby. There are no less than fifteen birds living in that nest at all times and I’m pretty sure Phil is only aware of three or four.
I know Phil Simms is from Kentucky. I know he was raised on a farm. I know he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.
I’m just saying I could’ve told you all these things without that haircut. I didn’t need to see that to guess where you were from. That haircut is like the kid in college who wore the Red Sox hat to class the first day. Like yo dude we get it, you’re from Boston. I knew when I saw your pale freckled face. I knew when I heard your voice boom through the hallways walking into class. That was all the confirmation I needed.
And speaking of weird looking FCS quarterbacks who are way better than they should be… I guess it turns out Carson Wentz is pretty good, huh? I guess he has in no way benefitted from playing the two worst teams in football and will totally keep this up all season, right? This guy looks like the real deal and no, I’m definitely not trying to reverse jinx it. Big doofus ginger quarterbacks always pan out.
P.S. “I’m underground and I need more bread. And I need more head, from some bitch that’s straight from Morehead. State your business cus I’m busy tanning naked. My joint is shakin while I’m wearin bracelets” is one of my all time favorite Bronson lines and the Elton John “Island Girl” sample never fails to crack me up.