I Honestly Think Larry David Could Be An Offensive Coordinator In The NFL

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“Oh but Ham, being an offensive coordinator is sooooo hard”

“What does Larry David know about football”

“Shut up you fat idiot”

Hey guys, tell me the duties of an offensive coordinator. What are some of the main responsibilities of the guy calling the plays.

You have to design a complex system that incorporates multiple players using their unique talents to fulfill certain designated roles that you assign them in order to achieve one ultimate goal.

I mean that’s literally the same thing as writing and directing a high profile comedy show. Next question.

You set a gameplan, maybe script your first 15 plays, while allowing for creative flexibility as the game goes on.

One of the well known aspects of Curb is that Larry scripts out about 10% of the script, basically laying the groundwork and direction of the scene, and then improvises the rest. All the dialogue, the interplay between characters, the physical comedy… that’s done on the spot. The players go out there with the play and have to adapt to what the defense throws them. Larry is the quarterback who directs traffic, and his teammates have to adapt on the spot. Perfectly accurate comparison in my mind. Next question

You have to put your role players in the best position to succeed. 

Again, Larry sets his actors up for top notch comedic material. Whether he’s teeing Suzie up for a rant, opening the door for a Funkhouser joke, or playing along with Leon’s outrageous banter – his players are allowed the freedom to use their talents for the good of the unit. Next question.

You need to be creative.

I mean the man created two of the three funniest shows in human history. I don’t think that’ll be an issue here. Next question.

You have to disguise packages that deceive the defense.

Have you ever watched an episode of Curb. Larry is the king of the callback. He’ll set the closing scene with something as simple as a pack of cashews. You’ll expect one thing and then all of a sudden one of Larry’s receivers is left wide open in the endzone. And even when you know it’s coming he’ll still deliver. Even when you know a charcter or an incident will come back to bite him in the ass, Larry’s execution is so perfect you won’t be able to stop it. Another perfect example. Next.



You need to understand what doesn’t work and learn from it.

Well actually Larry is a Jets fan so that doesn’t apply here.

You need to be a little off as a human being.

Yeah… that applies here.

So there you have it… Larry David, offensive coordinator. Sure there’ll be some hurdles to overcome as far as football acumen, but that’s what a year shadowing a coordinator is for. Let him trail Josh McDaniels, let him trail Todd Haley, let him trail Ben McAdoo and watch the Giants hang 45 a game this season. I mean really… how hard is that job anyway. Maybe he won’t be great necesaarily. But I have a feeling he’d be pretty good. Pretty, preeeetttyyyy, preeeeeeeettttttttyyyy, pretty good.



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