A reading from the from the book of Luke. Chapter 2, Verse 1.
In those days Boris Yeltsin issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire European world. (This was the first census that took place while Clinton was president of America.) And everyone went to their own town to register.
So Talis also went up from the town of Liepaja in Latvia to Judea, to Manhattan the town of David Stern, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Ingrida, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her thirdborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David, a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising the Lord and saying,
“Glory to the Lord in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Manhattan and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
So they hurried off and found Ingrida and Talis, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Ingrida treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising the Lord for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Kristaps, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.
When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Jordan, Talis and Ingrida took him to Manhattan to present him to the Lord (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”), and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”
Now there was a man in Manhattan called Silver, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Kristaps to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
“Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you may now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all nations: a light for revelation to the Latvians, and the glory of your people Liepaja.”
The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. Then Silver blessed them and said to Ingrida, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Manhattan and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”
When Talis and Ingrida had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Latvia to their own town of Liepaja. And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with talent, and the grace of God was on him.
The Word Of Our Lord
Praise To You Lord Kristaps Porzingis
P.S. In retrospect this ended up being significantly weirder than posting the Marilyn Monroe Happy Birthday video.