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Is it that insane of a theory to think this was done on purpose? Am I giving Trump and his staff too much credit in believing this was a calculated decision? Because the further and further we’ve gotten is this campaign, the only thing I know for certain is that nothing… and I mean nothing… is too outlandish to believe here.
Think of it this way… what was the best case scenario for Melania Trump’s speech last night? What good was ever supposed to come of that? Was Melania Trump going to deliver the next Gettysburg Address? Was she going to whip up support for the Donald? Come on… we’re talking about a career model from fucking Slovenia. She hates public speaking so much that this was only her SECOND speech this entire campaign. No speech from Melania Trump was going to move the needle.
But this… do you know what this did?
For the first time this entire campaign, Melania is linked to the First Lady. Melania and Michelle are now being talked about in the same sentence. And deep down in the synopses of your brain and my brain and the brains of everyone in this country, we have all forever linked Melania Trump and Michelle Obama.
Why are they linked? Who fucking cares? All that matters is that we think of Melania in the same breath as the First Lady. In two days nobody will care about this controversy. In a week nobody will remember it. But for the first time all year, we’re talking about Melania and Michelle in the same sentence. Even if it’s in a demeaning way, it’s still served a purpose in elevating Melania’s profile to the level that this comparison is happening. That matters. And that sure as fuck wasn’t happening before the speechwriters ripped those two paragraphs of laughably basic rhetoric from the potential First Lady’s Convention Speech about her unexpected Washington outsider husband running against a longstanding Washington staple who people were just going to hand the presidency to because that person “had waited long enough”. Wait what year are we talking about again?
*removes tinfoil hat*
Thanks guys, that was Conspiracy Talk with Uncle Ham.
P.S. I do love the idea of people getting legitimately mad at Melania as if this whole thing wasn’t written by some Dan Egan-esque motherfucker on Trump’s staff. Barack Obama doesn’t even write his own speeches. If Melania wrote a single syllable in this entire speech I’ll eat my laptop.
P.P.S. As weird as this sounds to say, I do feel bad for Melania during this whole process. I know it’s hard to have sympathy for an international supermodel that married a member of the Three Comma Club Two Comma Club, but I can’t help but feel for the woman. She signed up for a relatively quiet life of luxury next to a reality star flameout, and suddenly she’s like two months from becoming the First Lady of the United States of America. She can barely speak English and she’s supposed to follow in the footsteps of Princeton Educated, Harvard Law Degree, former attorney Michelle Obama. From arguably the smartest, most well spoken–and certainly most outspoken–First Lady ever, to a former Slovenian model and jewelry designer who is pretty fucking justifiably averse to public speaking. She probably thought this whole thing was a joke and a publicity stunt like the rest of us, and now she’s like three months away from having to create some youth fitness initiative for the most powerful country in the world because our kids are all fat.
Also she does have to get dicked down by an oversaturated cheeto every night. That part sucks too.
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