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NYT — Revolutions rarely give way to gracious expressions of defeat. And so, despite the crushing California results that rolled in for him on Tuesday night, despite the insurmountable delegate math and the growing pleas that he end his quest for the White House, Senator Bernie Sanders took to the stage in Santa Monica and basked, bragged and vowed to fight on. In a speech of striking stubbornness, he ignored the history-making achievement of his Democratic rival, Hillary Clinton, who became the first woman in American history to clinch the presidential nomination of a major political party. Tuesday was, undeniably, Mrs. Clinton’s night, a milestone for women in politics and civic life 95 years after the 19th Amendment guaranteed their right to vote. But by Wednesday morning, all eyes were on Mr. Sanders. Would he be generous or petulant? Would he let go or keep battling? At almost every turn, he was grudging toward Mrs. Clinton, passing up a chance to issue the kind of lengthy salute that many, in and out of the Democratic Party, had expected and craved.
Out of all the outrageous things that’ve happened this election cycle — short of maybe the fact that a orange-colored reality TV star branding expert turned demagogue is going to be our next president — the low key funniest thing has to be Bernie’s outright refusal to concede this election.
Credit where credit is due – he survived well past the point that he should’ve. A dude with the term “socialist” attached to him should never have been able to last as long as he did in this election. That’s not even a comment on “democratic socialism” and however you might feel about that particular style of government. Or even a comment on Bernie. It’s more to note that in a country where people will take a term with a perceived negative connotation–socialist, Muslim, feminist, billionaire, whatever–and use it to form their entire opinion of a person, it’s rare you can overcome that. Especially a word like socialist.
But Bernie did. He rallied tens and hundreds of thousands of people behind him. Granted, he did it in a way relatively similar to Trump – just by using “naive college kids” instead of “uneducated racists”. But he did it nonetheless.
And if not for a Democratic Party Hierarchy offended by his outright refusal to accept special interest money, and a notoriously lazy voter base that thought social media posts meant more than showing up to the poles, he might be in the same position as Trump. Shit, it might not even be that, it might just be that the Clintons and their people had such a stranglehold on the Democratic party and the superdelegates that he never even had a chance in the first place. Who really knows? I’m just kind of bullshitting my way through this whole political thing so I can go back to writing about sports and internet videos.
The point is… as much as Bernie exceeded expectations, he’s done. And from all accounts, he’s been done for a while now. I remember reading that “for all intents and purposes, Bernie can’t win” like four months ago.
But by god if that’s gonna stop this old fuck.
Four months. Four goddamn months he’s been done, and yet here we are. He just won’t give up. He’s like Dada 5000 losing to Kimbo Slice. Bernie is gonna have to die… like, actually die in the ring… before he concedes this fight…
#RIPKimbo
Hillary literally officially locked up the Democratic nomination last night, and Bernie hasn’t conceded. He’s still shuffling his way on stage, waving his arms, screaming about social justice and the top one percent of one percent and cured deli meat and whatever else comes to mind.
And no matter how many people say he’s eliminated… And no matter how many people call him sexist for not letting Hillary have her moment (which is one of the stupidest, most entitled takes I’ve ever heard)… And no matter how much he probably needs a bottle of Ensure and a good nap… he’s gonna ride this thing out.
Shit, he might ride this thing out all the way to November. He might just keep showing up to rallies and giving his stump speech and “starting this political revolution” until Trump or Clinton steps into office in January. He might just be that stubborn.
And I respect the absolute fuck out of that.
Because at the end of the day… why not? Fuck it, right? You spend however many hours and ask however many favors and give however many speeches and shake however many hands trying to get this job… how much must that fucking SUCK when you don’t get it?
If I spent every waking hour for two years of my life trying to get a job, I’m sure as fuck not just packing up my things when they say no. I’m gonna be a stubborn asshole. I’m gonna fight the decision. I’m gonna sit in that fucking office and keep talking about my qualifications. I’m gonna walk in the break room and eat some free sandwiches until they physically drag me out, shoutout to John Kasich. I’m gonna make everyone in that office remember that I was there. Because I spent too much fucking time to just walk away with my head down like George Michael while the sad piano riff kicks in.
Fuck knowing when to walk away. What good does that do me? Are they just gonna hand me the job now because I walked away with class? Of course not. But if I sit there and force them to keep paying attention to me. And force them to reconsider… well maybe I might sneak back into the race after all. Sure that’s not how Presidential races work, but there’s a first time for everything, right? If we’ve learned anything from these last billion months of campaigning, it’s to expect nothing. The game has changed. If Donald Trump can win the nomination, then why can’t Bernie come back from the dead and still beat Hillary?
So do your thing Bernie. Keep giving those speeches. Keep campaigning. Keep getting free meals at the local deli and spilling globs of mustard on your shirt. Keep fighting. Because if nothing else, you’ll have pissed off every fucking loser who has called you a sexist for not laying down the red carpet for Hillary to win.
Game isn’t over ’til the clock strikes zero right? Well excuse Bernie if he’s gonna hustle to the whistle. That’s just the New Yorker in him.
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