BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods Still Can’t Play Golf Anymore

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“While I continue to work hard on getting healthy, I am not physically ready to play in this year’s U.S. Open and the Quicken Loans National. I am making progress, but I’m not yet ready for tournament competition.

“I want to thank everyone for their continued support. The positive texts, emails and calls I have received have been incredible. I want to wish Mike Davis, Diana Murphy, the USGA, the players and everyone at Oakmont a very successful week.

“I will be hosting and attending my foundation’s tournament, the Quicken Loans National, at Congressional. It’s the 10th year of our tournament, and we continue to support the community, the military and the programs of the Tiger Woods Foundation.” 

Oh for real Tiger?


You don’t say.

Honestly, how is this breaking news any more? How is it even news? I mean, I get that Tiger not playing in a major can technically be classified as news. But is this a surprise? Is anyone shocked by this?

I’ve gone into every major for the past year and a half under the assumption that Tiger Woods won’t be taking part. If he does happen to show up? I’ll just assume he ends with a respectable 73 on day one, turns some heads, and proceeds to shoot eight over through ten holes on day two before pulling out with another back injury.

And major after major, big tournament after big tournament, that’s pretty much what happens.

It’s nothing personal. I’d love Tiger to be “back” as much as anyone. But I’ve made my peace with the fact that Tiger will never be “back”. I mean, forget being “back, back” to old Tiger. Old Tiger died the second Elin drove a five iron through his back winshield. Nobody in their right mind thinks that Tiger is coming back.

The thing is… I don’t even think “respectable late career Tiger” is coming. I don’t think anything is coming from him. I’d love Tiger just to be “back” to that Top-25, “always a threat to make a run” range that Phil has lived in the last few years. Shit, I’d love him just to finish a tournament without limping off the course onto another surgery table again.

But there’s nothing there.

Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Dude is done. The back surgeries. The vulnerability he’s shown his competition. The sheer weight of having his entire personal life and dirty, piss-stained laundry become the biggest media circus in modern sports history. There’s just nothing left. Physically the competition has blown past him. Mentally he hold an edge on no one. And Emotionally he’s just carrying more than the rest of the tour combined. It’s too much for him… too much for any one man to come back from. And I think we’re closer to seeing him completely retire from the sport of golf than see the Saturday of another major.

So no, ESPN. This isn’t Breaking News. This isn’t even news. Because if you asked 100 semi-knowledgable golf fans this morning if they thought Tiger would play next week, at one of the hardest courses in the country no less, you’d be hard-pressed to find five who could give you a straight-faced “yes”.

#RIPinPeace Tiger’s Golf Career. Dude is done.


P.S.   At some point this week I’m gonna sit down and read the entire Wright Thompson ten-billion-word expose on Tiger. I read through sections of the piece and recaps about the whole Navy SEAL thing and not paying for soldiers meals and not knowing how to pick up girls when he was with Jordan and Jeter and believing in ghosts and his care being owned by a dude in Arkansas and all that crazy shit, but I need to sit down and give it a full read.


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