To Nobody’s Surprise, Ted Cruz Parks Like An ASSHOLE


Ted Cruz parks like an asshole? What? No way. Get the fuck outta here. 

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Ted Cruz parks like an asshole? What? No way. Get the fuck out of here. You’re telling me that this guy…

…parks like a fucking DICK?

Well color me fucking shocked. The soulless sociopath with no social skills doesn’t operate within the framework of a functioning society? The pretentious politician who speaks… in such… DRAMATIC tones… like… a… PREACHER… who has DUPED… religious idiots… into BELIEVING… that he caaaares… about THEM… and their… ISSUES… that guy doesn’t actually care about anyone but himself? The melting wax figurine whose coworkers literally want him murdered, and whose own family physically can’t stand his existence – is also the same guy who takes up two spots in the parking lot?

You know what the worst part is… it’s that he made is driver do this. And yes, I know for an absolute fact that he made his driver do this. He turned to him and said, “take up two spots, let them know that I’m back”, because, come on, that’s such a Ted Cruz move, right? He gets all the feeling of taking two spots without getting any of the actual blame. He gets to exert power without ever being held accountable. That’s politician 101. That’s Ted Cruz to a T. What a fucking DICK.

P.S.   I’m all for the mass execution of pig parkers. I’m so pro-genocide on that front it’s not even funny. And yes, I get that people will inch over the line by accident. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, we’ve all done it. But if you don’t even show the slightest bit of remorse when called out for it, it’s right to the firing squad for you.

Pig Parking is not just about parking… it’s a lifestyle. If you’re the kind of person who parks like an asshole with no regrets, then you’re probably–scratch that, DEFINITELY–an asshole in every other aspect of life. You’re the person who leaves an empty milk carton in the fridge or jumps on the lifeboat before the women and children. It’s not just that you’re a narcissist… I can live with that. It’s that you’re an inconsiderate narcissist. And if you died the world would be a better place.

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