Someone Removed Draymond Green’s Batteries During His Press Conference


Draymond Green – the friend who’s name you’ll call fifteen times before you get a response.

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Does anyone have a friend like this? A kid who will zone out so hard, for such an extended period, that you wonder if his or her brain just physically shut off for those thirty seconds. You start saying something to them – no response. You say their name – no response. Until you finally just start saying their name on repeat like a four-year-old trying to get his parents’ attention like the Stewie “Mom” bit from Family guy. Dray, Draymond, Dray-Dray, Dray, Draymond, DRAYMOND, Dray, Dray, Dray, Dray, Dray. And you get nothing back. But just when you’ve given up, and you’re seriously considering whether or not your friend might’ve had an actual stroke, he’ll pop up and ask what’s up. And it’s like those thirty seconds never even happened. Well it turns out Draymond is that friend.

Honestly, I’m jealous of that skill – if you want to call it a skill. I’d kill for the ability to do that. I can’t zone out for more than a second without needing stimulation. I can pretend, and I can act like I don’t hear or see anything, but I do. I hear and see everything. Everything. Shit, I can barely do one single thing at a time. Can’t watch a game without reading Twitter. Can’t walk my dog without a podcast and texting. Can’t blog one thing without already thinking about the next story on the timeline. The only single thing I do without distraction is watch Game Of Thrones – that’s it.

Part of that is the FOMO of needing something to do/watch/hear/whatever. But most of it is that I can’t help it. I just can’t shut that part of my brain off.

I would give anything… ANYTHING for the ability to zone the entire world out for thirty seconds at a time like Draymond just did. Shit, even ten. Just stare blankly, zone out, and float off into space. Remove the batteries, slip the switch off, and just go dark. Reboot, restart. What’s up guys, you say something?

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