John Kasich is like JR Smith in Garbage Time. The game is basically over, but he’s still getting buckets. And by buckets I mean free meals all over the country, one enormous bite at a time.
Yo… shouts to John Kasich. My man has had a less than zero percent chance of winning this election from day one. Dude is like a donkey in a derby*. He’s there, and he kind of fits the mold of what should be there, but nobody really knows what he’s doing in this race.
And yet here he is, on May 4th, still chugging along, shoving down local meals one enormous bite at a time.
He’s like JR Smith in garbage time. Down 28, three minutes left, guys are just trying not get hurt, the game is all but over. But until that score clock shows triple zeros, JR is gonna eat. Buckets are still buckets, and those three extra points per game matter. Better stats -> Higher contract -> More money for the club -> lower scoring average on Sunday afternoon games -> more shots during garbage time -> higher stats -> higher contract… and so on and so on. That’s the cycle of JR Smith.
That’s John Kasich. Clock still running? He’s gonna eat. Literally, he’s gonna eat. While Bernie is on the other side, taking the last few minutes to collect votes and make a political statement, John Kasich is just here for the food.
Flat tax? Let me get the two for one tacos. Jobs creation? Cook that steak medium rare. Will I support my parties candidate? Let me tell you, this is some of the best cheesecake I have EVER tasted, wrap me up another slice, I’ll take it w-…… *notices the is media still there*….. WITH ME TO WASHINGTON and show those establishment politicians what REAL America thinks of this campaign. We’ve got a long road ahead of us… so if you could also throw a couple of those sandwiches in a to-go box I would truly appreciate it. Thank you Oklah- I mean Michigan.
P.S. That feeling when you write a fire blog and Kasich drops out when you press publish so you start overeating to ease the pain and crying at the same time.
*Is “Donkey in the Derby” a saying? Because if not, I think I just created a saying.