Phil Jackson Is Running A “Secret Triangle Seminar” For The Knicks This Week


A seminar? Of course! That’ll solve all our problems! I’m sure that a weekend of workshopping their feelings and going peyote in the woods is all these players need to reach the same level of delusional narcissism it takes to believe that this archaic offensive system is the one and only “correct” way to play the game of basketball. 

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NYDN  —  Phil Jackson has decided to coach the Knicks…at least for a couple of days. The Knicks embattled team president is running a clandestine mini-camp this week in New York with a handful of current players, the Daily News has learned. According to a league source, the two practices are being described as a “triangle seminar” where Jackson and interim head coach Kurt Rambis will watch film and continue teaching the Knicks an offense that Jackson is intent on running despite many of the player’s reluctance to embrace the antiquated system.

Not every player will attend the camp. It is unclear if Carmelo Anthony, who did not sound pleased following his exit meeting with Jackson last week, will participate. Newly signed Tony Wroten is expected to attend along with rookies Kristaps Porzingis and Jerian Grant as well as Langston Galloway and Jose Calderon.

That Jackson is running the camp is further proof that he is not budging from his belief that the best and only system for the Knicks to run is the triangle. Rambis’ inclusion also bodes well for the coach who is Jackson’s preferred choice to be named full-time coach.

A seminar? Of course! That’ll solve all our problems! Let’s treat these players like a bunch of divorced mothers looking for empowerment and send them upstate for a long weekend of soul-searching. I’m sure it’ll be a life changing experience.

They can learn tantric yoga on the beach… workshop their feelings about the lack of high pick and roll … hike through the woods telling their life stories… trip out on peyote and reach basketball enlightenment… or maybe just share a laugh about how fucking stupid it is that Phil Jackson thinks this one-week youth basketball camp-style seminar is going to educate them more about this offense than the two full YEARS of coaching they’ve supposedly received from Kurt Rambis and Jim Cleamons and his other Triangle minions.

And at the end of this weekend, if the players are lucky enough to reach this basketball enlightenment, maybe they too can leave with the same level of delusional narcissism it takes to believe that this archaic offensive system is the one and only “correct” way to play the game of basketball.

P.S.   Hey Phil… here’s a thought… if you think that you can teach these players your stupid, antiquated offensive system in one week, then maybe the guy who has been attempting to teach these players the triangle for TWO YEARS isn’t the right man for the job. I don’t know, just throwing that out there. Maybe the guy with a 28% career winning percentage who is universally acknowledged as the worst coach in the NBA isn’t the right man for the job. Maybe if you’re telling us this offense is as easily teachable as a weeklong seminar, you shouldn’t rehire the guy who very clearly couldn’t teach it over his two seasons as a head & assistant coach with these players.

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