Jordan Spieth Might’ve Choked Away The Masters, But CAM NEWTON DAB CLASS PROFESSIONAL RESPECT LIFE LESSON THE CHILDREN

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I ruined my whole morning trying to write this blog, but I can’t do it. I can’t put into words just how fucking insane it is that these guys like Stink and the guy who ruined SVP & Rusillo are still harping on the Cam Newton press conference.


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Goddammit. Are we really doing this shit? Is this just gonna be the norm for post-game press conferences now? Do we have to compare everything to Cam’s Super Bowl loss because a couple of holier-than-thou sportscasters were “offended” by the way Cam walked out on a bunch of absolutely meaningless questions after losing the Super Bowl. Fuck, man. Really? Are we just gonna let this happen.

I ruined my whole morning trying to write this blog. No joke, I just threw a little shit fit at my desk because I can’t figure out how to write this. I must’ve written five different versions, each over 1000 words, just trying to get across how stupid this is… but I can’t do it. I can’t put into words just how fucking insane it is that these guys like Stink and the guy who ruined SVP & Rusillo are still harping on the Cam Newton press conference. It’s mind-numbing. Trying to comprehend the level of self-importance it takes to be legitimately offended by the way that someone “handles” a press conference has actually ruined my brain. I’m done for the day, and possibly the entire week.

But now that I think about it… it kind of makes sense. I mean… maybe this is just the way it should be. I’ve been trying to explain how pathetic and unbelievably narcissistic it is to be offended by Cam’s press conference, but I can’t do it in a way that works. Because when you think about it… nothing that I say about this will ever change the opinion of someone who cares that much about the way Cam Newton answered questions after the worst loss of his life. This isn’t a one-off opinion from that person – it’s just who that person is. If you care about Cam’s press conference, then you’re just that kind of guy. It’s not an acquired taste – it’s a lifestyle. You live perpetually atop that high horse, and nothing can bring you down. And to pretend that I, your boy Ham, can be the one to make that person see the light? Well that’s almost as narcissistic as thinking that Cam will see your quote and think “you know what? Stink Schlereth is right. I SHOULD be more like Jordan Spieth”

 


P.S.   Oh, the actual tournament? Yeah, I still can’t believe that happened either. I mean that thing was OVER after Jordan birdied nine. O-V-E-R. I had already mentally moved on to Warriors-Spurs. I was honestly considering throwing on a movie on my laptop and only peeking at the TV to see if Dustin had a second-place run in him. Never in a million years did I think Spieth would choke that away. Shit, I still thought he’d come back even after the 12th. I still thought he’d win in until he missed the Birdie putt on 17. One of the most incredible, improbable collapses of all time.

P.P.S.   Shoutout to Danny Willet, I guess. I mean, nobody outside of Willet’s drunk brother will remember Fake Theon Greyjoy backing his way into the luckiest major win in a decade. I don’t care if he is the #12 player in the world. By the time the Open rolls along, nobody outside of the golf diehards will be able to tell you his name without doing that “The… ahhh… the Masters guy… the British, Theon Greyjoy-looking dude… David… Wallace?… no, what’s his name again?… ah, fuck let me just look it up… it’s D-something… I know it starts with a D… ahhh… come on… I never get service in here… ahhhhhhhhhhh… DANNY WILLET… that’s it…. Danny Willet… I knew it was a D” thing for someone who isn’t that memorable. Again, congrats to Danny and all that. Good for him. But if you asked me next Monday who won the Masters there’s a 0% chance that I’d be able to tell you right away.


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