Marco Rubio Says Trump Has Small Hands


Look at our boy Marco C3P0 showing a little fight. Someone turned the switch from politician to insult comedian mid-debate and there’s no going back.

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Damn Rubs, don’t hurt em! Look at our boy Marco C3P0 showing a little fight. Someone turned the switch from politician to insult comedian mid-debate and folks, I think we’ve reached our cruising altitude for the remainder of the campaign.

It’s like I said last week with the British politicians

… I need a commander in chief who can clap back. This became a high school lunch table diss fight about 8 months ago. And Marco is the first person since Rand Paul to realize he should probably just respond to childish insults with more childish insults. Did it do Rand any good? Not really. But he was never winning anyway. Robot Rubio could and probably should be the Republican nominee. Yet he’s been getting torn to shreds at the lunch table because his mom told him not to fight back. Until now. Until our guy here finally realized that with a little practice and the right wires wired the right way by his handlers, it’s really not that hard to out-bully a bully with as many cartoonish attributes as Trump. So after months of taking it on the chin every lunch period in front of the whole table, Marco walked into the cafeteria and mentally (and basically physically) pantsed Donald without skipping a beat.

That’s how you respond to a bully. Forget the issues, forget the policies, forget the debates. I want to see which man will win this cafeteria insult fight of attrition. Who can bully the other candidates into shells of themselves the fastest. Then, and only then, will I know who I’m voting for President of the United States.

P.S.   For when Trump eventually threatens to sue Rubio…

P.P.S.   While we’re here, I should also post the John Oliver Trump Takedown.

I don’t know where the general “I’m so smart on the internet” crowd falls on Oliver these days. Are we back to applauding Oliver for his really well-done segments? Or are we still making fun of people who say “watch John Oliver kill this thing”? Where do all the hipster Twitter intelligencia stand on this? Am I allowed to think John Oliver did a really good job on something, or is that just so 2014? I don’t know. You guys set the Twitter rules, I’m just here to make sure I never say anything offensive.

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