Kurt Rambis Didn’t Like That Masturbation Tweet, He Was Totally Hacked

rambis1

The best part about this is how Kurt is so clearly an Asian porn fetish guy… which is exactly why I believe him when he says he was hacked.

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NYDN  —  The New York Knicks have gone from one horny coach to another. Interim head coach Kurt Rambis showed he needs some help using Twitter over the weekend, after a very graphic pornographic tweet of a woman masturbating showed up in his “liked” tweets. The photo is of an Asian woman pleasing herself while standing in front of a mirror, with the reflection of her backside also visible.The X-rated pic was captioned “Love female masturbation #NSFW.”

rambis_tweet1


The best part about this is how Kurt is so clearly an Asian porn fetish guy. What’s that old saying? “Your face can tell the whole world what kind of porn you watch” or something like that. I think it was a James Joyce quote*. Point is, there’s just no way for Kurt to hide it. We might never see the physical proof of Rambis’s guilt or innocence here, but we don’t need it. One look at that face and you know what gets Kurt going. You don’t need to look at Kurt’s very suspect search history and very, very suspect offseason travel itinerary to see that he’s into Eastern medicine. Kurt Rambis has watched more anime than game film. Which, actually, is a pretty low bar to set for a guy who clearly doesn’t watch game film. But the point still stands. Dude loves Asian fetish porn.

But that’s the thing… it’s so obvious. It’s so obvious that it makes this the easiest framing ever. The cat is already out of the bag with Rambis. Everyone who sees him knows this is right up his alley. The story writes itself. All you have to do is pop on his page–which was undoubtedly by typing “Triangle31” into the password section–find one Asian porn photo, like it, and it’s done. Nobody will ever believe he was framed because he so clearly is a guy who would do this.

Nobody except me.

I believe you, Kurt Rambis. You are the Steven Avery to my Dean Strang. Would Steven murder someone? Probably. There’s enough there between the lack of underwear and the burning cats and that whole previous rape charge that when he was accused of murder, everyone could pretty easily immediately assume guilt. It’s not a huge jump. It’s actually pretty easy to connect those dots. Just like the words “Asian girl furiously masturbating in the mirror” and this face:

rambis1

are pretty connectable too. Even if kurt was innocent here, his fate was sealed the second those dots were connected. Just like Steven Avery and murder. He was an easy target. A target who would have probably committed the exact crime sooner or later, but was set up before he could even pull the trigger.

I believe you when you say you were hacked, Kurt. You’re definitely a creepy dude, and undoubtedly a horrible basketball coach. But I don’t think you’re a liar. So at least you have that going for you.


 *It wasn’t. I made it up.


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