This Hotline Zing Remix Could’ve Been So Much Better

You can’t drop a Kristaps song at this point with rhymes about draft day and his first putback on Aldridge. We’re way past that stuff. I need some updated references about his court vision and casual sex life if you’re gonna roll this song out on February 12th.

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Did I enjoy this? Yeah. I got a kick out of it. I mean I basically get a kick out of anything relating to Kristaps these days. Good or bad, praise or criticism, whatever it may be. Anything that reminds me that I have Kristaps in my life for the next 15-20 years is a good thing. There’s not really a high bar to get me to embrace something about Kristaps – or really any bar at all, for that matter.

What there is a high bar for, though, is songs about Kristaps. Bleacher Report, good job good effort. But just “effort” ain’t gonna cut it with a Kristaps song. It needs to be more. You can’t follow up #PORZINGIS and KEEP CALM LIKE KRISTAPS PORZINGIS with a soft remix. I need some energy. I need that bass to hit me. I need calientes llamas del fuego lyrics. I need updated references. You can’t roll out a Kristaps song on February 12th with rhymes about draft day and that first putback on Aldridge. We’re way past that stuff. I need a couple bars about his improved court vision. I need whole verse about his nightly block parties. I need a full song on his dream shake alone. And I need at least 9 or 10 different innuendos to all the casual sex he’s been having in that Manhattan bachelor pad that he doesn’t let his parents visit. It’s February 12th. Kristaps is three Rookie of the Month awards deep and counting. We’re far removed from the “I can’t believe Knicks fans boo’d him on Draft Night” schtick. So while I got a kick out of this, it really just wasn’t up to par.

DJ, drop that real fire