Back after I finished the show, I started writing a whole “Top 10 Worst People From Making A Murderer” blog. Yet it always fell apart and never really worked. Here’s a look at why that blog never worked.
I want to act outraged here, but I can’t muster up the energy. I just don’t have it in me with this show anymore. It’s too goddamn depressing. Every time I see a new report about “evidence that was left out” or “a petition to free Steven and Brendan” or some huge loser looking for attention by writing a “I think he did it” post, a part of my soul slowly crumbles. It’s just depressing as shit, and you can only take so much of that before it breaks you as a human. I don’t know how Dean Strang and Jerry Buting didn’t suffer nervous breakdowns after that trial. I have no clue how any of the functioning members of the Avery family get through a normal day. And I will never understand how these filmmakers were able to dedicate this much time to this entire story without going insane.
Back after I finished the show, right around New Years, I started writing a whole “Top 10 Worst People From Making A Murderer” blog. I was fucking pumped to write it. Took notes, formed theories, everything. I had all these thoughts and ideas and jokes about these guys. Yet every time I started to put it together, it always fell apart. It was too hard to write about all of these guys without flying off the handle…
From that needle dick Len Kachinsky who would NOT. STOP. LAUGHING, to that bald asshole Mark Weigart with his patch of hair that I wanted to rip off his head with my bare hands.
From that fat fuck Gene Kusche, who literally framed his framing of Avery, to four eyed Judy Devorak, the evil bitch who basically started this ENTIRE thing by immediately accusing Avery of the rape.
From Teresa’s gullible idiot brother with the cherry-size pimple on his forehead who for some reason felt the need to give daily postgame press conferences like he was Lebron James during the NBA Finals, to Teresa’s ex boyfriend who is the most suspicious character ever and who for my money was probably the actual killer.
From Sergeant Coburn and Detective Lenk, who are undoubtedly the worst framing artists ever yet are SOMEHOW NOT IN JAIL, to that piece of shit Michael O’Kelly for literally forcing a retarded kid into a confession and for having the fucking audacity to fake cry on the stand about Teresa.
All leading up to the #1 scumbag and easily the first person I would kill in the entire world right now, Ken Kratz. That fat, girly-voiced, false-narrative-pushing, sexual-assaulting, walking, talking chode and his astoundingly punchable face. Boils my blood just thinking about him. I would do unspeakable things just for the chance to land one right hook right into that guy’s pig snout. I would let every other wildly corrupt, disgusting, horrible human being mentioned above walk free, all just to kick Ken Kratz in the dick. Fuck Ken Kratz.
And there it is, now I’m heated again. Just flew completely off the handle and started talking about murder again. Classic. That’s why I didn’t want to talk about Making A Murderer anymore. That’s what this show does. Every time I tried to write that “Top 10” blog, I couldn’t make it funny or entertaining throughout. It always started out good with the Len Kachinsky and Gene Kusche* stuff, then devolved into me hating the brother of the actual murder victim (but come on, you all hated Teresa’s brother too), then just got really dark at the end when I couldn’t even put my hatred of Michael O’Kelly and Ken Kratz into words and just started talking about how I would pay money to hurt them. And nobody wants to read that, right?
Whatever. Maybe one day I will find the right way to write that Top 10 blog. Maybe I will find a way to actually dialogue with everyone who wrote “I think he’s guilty” without just calling idiots. Maybe I will learn to handle my emotions and form thoughts and sentences like an adult. Maybe, but I doubt it.
Fuck you Ken Kratz.
P.S. Jodi Stachowski is making a huge late push to get into that top 10 with her post-show media tour.
*For the record… Gene Kusche is an elite fat guy name. Elite. Top fucking notch. That name is a five tool prospect with the right attitude. The Mike Trout of Fat Guy names. Yet Gene Kusche decided to go Josh Hamilton and throw it all away. Shame.