It’s National Championship Night. Wait, How Am I Supposed To Work Today?


The pressure of days like today almost makes me wish I didn’t do this for a living… until I remember how great it’s going to be when Clemson wins

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How am I supposed to work today? Seriously, how in the absolute FUCK am I supposed to work today? It’s 9am and I’m ready to run through a wall right now. Yet I have to wait twelve hours for kickoff. Twelve goddamn hours. Twelve hours of following stupid twitter and watching stupid pregame and reading every stupid blog post about why everyone thinks Alabama is going to win this game. Every stupid idiot on social media walking around sucking elephant tusk from dusk til dawn. Brutal. I already hated Alabama and their bandwagon fans and their midget head coach and their rampant HGH use and their stupid slogan and that whole schtick already. I didn’t need any more reason to hate them. But today I will.

These are the days when I almost wish I didn’t do this for a living. When I wish I just chose a 9 to 5 desk job that can consume my mind for the day. I could just throw a Clemson tie on, head into work, and distract myself with spreadsheets and sales calls and meetings and not have to think about this game outside of the few stupid conversations with my stupid coworkers who don’t understand that Alabama can’t throw the ball and can’t handle fast, spread-em-out QB’s. In that case I could at least save myself 8 hours of preparing for this game. I could put on an audiobook or something and not think about tonight. That would be great.

I almost wish I didn’t choose this career.

BUT… but then I wouldn’t get the joy of tomorrow. I wouldn’t get the joy of writing twelve different versions of a “Clemson won the Nation Title” blog. I wouldn’t get to talk shit to Alabama fans all day. I wouldn’t get to brag on the internet about how the 18-21-year-olds I’ve never met from the school I wasted my education from beat the 18-21-year-olds from the school nobody has ever used an education from.

I wouldn’t get any of that if I worked a desk job. So that makes the pain of these next twelve hours a little more bearable. I just have to get through them.

And to get through these 12 hours, I’m going to put on a wildly homerish, overly-defensive, extremely mean-spirited display of Clemson propaganda blogging today, the likes of which you’ve never seen. Don’t be surprised if I fuck around and compare Alabama to ISIS today. Everything is on the table.

Let’s go Tigers

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