I Wonder What Stupid Animal Is Going To Pick Alabama Over Clemson Tonight

Why don’t we just recreate Noah’s Ark and let all the animals get swayed by the Crimson Tide? Might as well. Go ahead and bump that Clemson moneyline up to +250 while we’re at it. Daddy needs at new pair of shoes to wear on my feet that I can walk on the ground with, unlike that stupid dolphin Flipper who picked Oklahoma.

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You guys remember Flipper? You know, that stupid dolphin that picked Oklahoma over Clemson in the Orange Bowl? Yeah, how’d that turn out Flipper?

Idiot.

I guess that’s what you can expect from some pea-brained little fish. We’re going on 75 years over here. If you can go one year without getting killed by the Japanese then you can talk to me about your thoughts on Clemson’s run defense. Until then, I don’t want to see you open that stupid dolphin mouth of yours unless you’re eating. I don’t trust that smile for one fucking second.


The real question now is, what dopey ass animal are they gonna roll out there to pick Alabama today? Maybe a snake? Maybe a coyote? Maybe we just roll a big dumb elephant out there? Why not? All these dumb ass animals are gonna follow the dumb ass general public with their pick anyway. Why don’t we just recreate Noah’s Ark and let all the animals get swayed by the Crimson Tide? Might as well. Go ahead and bump that moneyline up to +250 while we’re at it. Daddy needs at new pair of shoes to wear on my feet that I can walk on the ground with, unlike a stupid dolphin.


UPDATE:   Like clockwork…

Just gonna let it be know that anyone who knows anything knows that turtles are the smartest animals in the world. They figured out how to live forever. Elephants get poached all the time. Pretty much says it all right there.


 

P.S.   I know him as Flipper the tiger hatin’ dolphin


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