Girl Scout Cookies Will Now Be Sold Online

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HP  —  Best of all, scouts in a number of chapters nationwide are once again selling their cookies online via a platform called Digital Cookie 2.0. 

The site works like traditional door-to-door ordering in that you have to know a Girl Scout to use it. She’ll give you a link to her personal website, where you can log on and order whichever flavors you please. While regular cookie orders can take weeks or months to arrive, the online ordering system can get cookies to your door in three to five business days, according to a memo from a Charlotte, North Carolina chapter. 



I gotta admit, I actually kind of hate this move from the Girl Scouts. Terrible business decision. This is just like the whole “they should sell girl scout cookies year round” debate. The best feature of girl scout cookies isn’t their taste or their catchy names or their aesthetic appeal.

Their best feature is their unavailability. They’re seasonal, like Stuffing on Thanksgiving. The most desirable aspect of Samoas and Thin Mints and Tagalongs is that you can only get them during a specific period of time, and they take fucking forever to get to you.

If we start eating them all the time, or getting access to them through easy online orders, they immediately lose their appeal. They become just another cookie that you’ll rarely order because you don’t want to feel like a fat ass. Something that’s so easily accessible loses it’s luster. Girl Scout Cookies are the girl who turns you down for months, finally says yes, but still won’t give it up for another few weeks. The chase is thrilling. But as soon as we can order online (and eventually year round) GSC become just another whore like Oreos waiting to answer that 3am drunk call on any given night. You know what… I should probably cut this analogy off now.

The point is, I want my Girl Scout Cookies to be unattainable. I want them to be rare, so that when I soberly crush a sleeve and a half of Thin Mints in seven minutes, I don’t feel like a total piece of shit. At least I know I took advantage of a rare opportunity. Because the easier they are to get, the less I want to see them. The heart wants what it can’t have. Let’s leave it that way.


P.S.   3) Tagalongs. 2) Thin Mints. 1) Samoas

P.P.S.   Yes, they are SAMOAS and TAGALONGS, not caramel delites and peanut putter patties. If you’re eating pizza do you call it “bread, sauce, and cheese”. Yeah, didn’t think so.

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