Eastern Washington’s Starting 5 Is Quite A Collection Of Names

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NCAA Basketball: Eastern Washington at Indiana


Guess those ethnicities. Go ahead, give it a shot…


Sir Washington

Austin McBroom

Bogdan Bliznyuk

Felix Von Hofe

Venky Jois


Alright, so Sir Washington and Bogdan Bliznyuk were pretty easy right? I mean those are day 1 names right there. It’s what makes them so great. They’re the perfect stereotype. If you can’t get Sir Washington = black dude and Bodgan Bliznyuk = pale eastern euro, you probably– actually I… I don’t even know. I don’t know how that would be possible not to get those. Even the most sheltered children would know that. You should all have gotten those.

I’ll be honest though, Austin McBroom and Felix Von Hofe threw me for a loop.

Austin McBroom, shooting guard? That should 100% be the hick with a dead-eye jumper and a short blonde crew cut. He has a simple, non-basketball trick to fix your jump shot, and thinks city folk talk too fast. I did not see fake Odell Beckham coming there.

And Felix Von Hofe… Felix? When the fuck was the last time you heard a white dude named Felix? 19th century German composer Felix Mendelssohn? Felix is a name reserved strictly for smooth old black dudes and cats. That’s it. I don’t know where this honky’s parents got off naming their son Felix Von Hofe like he’s a lord in the 1600’s. Bizzare.

As for Venky Jois, you could have given me 100 guesses before I got to rugged Aussie. You could tell me he was the son of Harlem Globetrotter… a French art major… an Indian immigrant… a white kid from Vancouver… any number of things. Total wildcard.

I guess this whole group is kind of a screenshot of America then, right? There are streotypes and surprises, and many we don’t even totally know. And they all work together, united to accomplish one go– ah fuck it they all hate each other.

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