Giants Sign Two Time Super Bowl MVP and My Best Friend Eli Manning to Four Year, $84 Mil Extension

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Hey Tom, Tom! Suck my dick!


One of the most enjoyable parts of Deflategate has been this feeling of superiority. While the other 30 teams bitched and moaned about the Patriots owning their team for 15 years, I just sat back and laughed. I fucking HATE the Pats, but I’m not butthurt about them. Yeah they’re clearly the superior franchise in football, but we forever have their number. And unless they beat us in a Super Bowl, that’s just a fact. That lack of butthurtedness gave me a chance to be objective about the whole Deflategate thing. It was obviously a drummed up publicity move by the NFL from the start. And in the end I was on the right side from day one.

And the person I have to thank for all of that is my best friend in the whole wide world, Elisha Nelson Manning. Goddammit do I love that goofy motherfucker. Sure we’ve had our ups and downs, but shit were those ups great. Those Super Bowls are the two greatest moments of my life. Nothing else even comes close. Watching doofy ole Eli defeat Captain America Brady will forever make me giggle like a fucking schoolgirl. And knowing how mad every masshole is while reading this just made my day.

Now if I can take the fanboy face off for a second, this was still a no-brainer. Just look across town at the Jets to see what a franchise with no Quarterback looks like. It’s fucking miserable. Do you know how lucky you have to be to get a QB even in the second tier (Eli, Ben, Rivers, Flacco, Romo, Ryan) of guys, let alone someone who hasn’t missed a game in ten years. Sure he might not be the most consistent in playing terms, but on a long term basis he’s been as consistent as anyone not named Brady, Rodgers, or… Peyton because of that ability to stay on the field. And after this past season, where we saw his interception rate drop and his completion percentage jump to 63%, where we saw the introduction of one of the leagues top 3 offensive weapons in Odell, where we saw an offense drawn up by someone other than Kevin Killdrive, I have no doubt he’s got nowhere to go but up over these next three or four years. FOUR MORE YEARS BABY, and probably two more rings to go with it. Love you forever and always Eli.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - FEBRUARY 05: Quarterback Eli Manning #10 of the New York Giants poses with the Vince Lombardi Trophy after the Giants defeated the Patriots by a score of 21-17 in Super Bowl XLVI at Lucas Oil Stadium on February 5, 2012 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

P.S.   I have to rant on this because it’s been all over the place with America’s Game and Do Your Job… The laziest, pussiest excuses in the world is calling the Helmet Catch or the Manningham Catch lucky. I hate that they’re put in the same “luck” category as the Kearse catch last year. First of all, the Manningham catch is legitimately the second most incredible pass and catch in a clutch moment EVER, behind only Roethlisberger-to-Holmes. That throw wasn’t put on a dime, it was put on a fucking needle head. You can’t throw that pass more perfectly. And the fact that Manningham had the presence of mind to keep his feet in and make that catch isn’t luck. It practice and muscle memory. If you call that luck then every catch in the history of football at any level is luck. That’s not even in the same stratosphere as the Kearse catch last year. So shut the fuck up about that one. Second of all, if you want to say the helmet catch was “luck”, I get it. You’re petty and jealous and the definition of butthurt, I get it. But I call that focus. I call that toughness. I call that mental and physical strength. I call that playmaking ability. I call that refusing to lose. I call that laying it all on the line. I call that an unbelievable athletic achievement having an HGH filled headhunter draped all over you and still having the ability to jump higher and strength to rip a ball down and trap it against your head. I call that a championship play. That didn’t bounce off of anything. That didn’t land in his lap. Tyree went up and made the play. Stop comparing those to Kearse. There’s a reason we went on the win those games and Seattle didn’t. The Kearse catch was a great play by Butler that Kearse caught on the luckiest of bounces. Butler beat Kearse and Kearse got lucky. Nobody beat Eli or Manningham or Tyree on those plays. Those were championship plays by championship players. The same way Butler made a championship play on that deflection. He just got very unlucky and had to do it again.

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