There might not be a bigger hardo alive than Brian Cushing. Not Dan Bilzerian. Not Shia LaBeouf. Nobody. He’s the biggest hardo I’ve ever seen. The Jersey background, the years at USC, the douchebag hair, the next-level roid rage, and the non-stop cockiness all blend together to create the biggest hardo that has ever walked this earth.
And you know what? I fucking love it. Have to respect someone who is that dedicated to their craft. If you’re the best at what you do, no matter the industry, I will respect what you do. And nobody is better at being a hardo than Brian Cushing. First of all you’re not gonna block him. Second of all, you don’t want to fight him. Third of all… He’s the fucking man.
Let’s see what we learned from Cush last night:
Coffee? That shit is for chicks.
Roid Rage doesn’t stop even when you stop taking steroids. Just kidding, Brian Cushing never stopped taking steroids.
He bullies his teammates. Sorry he’s not sorry.
He walks his kids with a Phunkee Duck. Such a hardo move I can’t even… I just can’t even.
He only wants another kid if it’s a boy. Can’t stop laughing at the idea of three Cushing boys running around. Like the Gronks on steroids… literally on steroids.
Some other highlights from the episode:
Benardrick Mckinney’s girlfriend is 100% about to pull the goalie on him. Hope his pullout game is stronger than his pass coverage.
Vince Wilfork is so fat and sweaty that his shoes are bubbling. How crazy is that? It definitely doesn’t happen to me ever time I play pickup basketball for more than an hour. Totally doesn’t happen to me.
DeAndre Hopkins wants to get a Yorkie and carry it around in a European bag everywhere he goes. So now I want to get a Yorkie and carry it around in a European bag everywhere I go.
Don’t want a slutty daughter? Dress her head to toe when she’s an infant, duh.