GUILTY. Guilty on all charges your honor. Lock him up and throw away the key. I know he was provoked, your honor, but I just don’t feel safe living in a world where people can walk around murdering for revenge in such a calm, calculated manner without repercussions. DeAngelo never even had a chance. First Degree murder, with an additional count of grand larceny for stealing all the chill. Because when he said “I’m already breaking ankles” while Hall laid dead on the ground, he removed all the chill from the world. Thoughts and Prayers* to DeAngelo Hall’s family.
*Not really any Thoughts and Prayers though. Fuck D-Hall. I legit stood up and screamed, “OHHHHH BE BROKEN, BE BROKEN, BE BROKEN.” I know… I’m a terrible person.
On a serious note, how about Hopkins just coming through as the biggest star last night? Having watched him live all through college it’s awesome to see him get a shot to be a legit number one receiver this year. And yeah we don’t know who’s gonna throw him the ball yet, but I have no doubt in my mind he’s a bonafide number one guy. Love everything about Nuk. Big year coming, and it started with some absolutely incredible moments and quotes in that episode. “I fear God bruh.” “Jerry Rice don’t return punts.” “I don’t start it I just finish it.” I know this is supposed to be Watt Knocks, but Hopkins is going to end up stealing the show. Also “Nuk” is one of the best nicknames out there.
As for the rest of the episode:
- I never wanted to say it when he was on the Pats, but I love Vince Wilfork. Can’t teach this type of fatboy athleticism.
- Brian Cushing can’t stop won’t stop doing steroids
- Kevin Johnson’s dad has one of the most outrageously shaped head/neck area’s I’ve ever seen. Absolutely zero change from the shoulderblades up to the top of his head. Also his sister is 🔥🔥🔥
- And of course JJ Watt.
Look there’s a lot of hot takes on JJ Watt now. When you’re that famous, people tend to pick a side and go all it. I also get that reaching that level of fame mixed with a need to be adored leads to a life of calculated PR decisions. He’s the Lebron of football. And I can’t blame him for that. I never jumped on the “Fuck Lebron” bandwagon, so I don’t want to just do that with Watt.
But holy shit was that training/autograph montage last night the corniest thing ever. I’m not saying Watt wouldn’t be out there putting the work in — you can pretty clearly see from how he ragdolls 300lb offensive lineman that he’s probably putting more work in than anyone out there. But that fucking scene was so scripted, so over the top, that I just can’t bring myself to not hate him. He’s just too cheesy. It’s all just waaayyyyyy too much.
P.S. Singing to Fort Minor and always wearing a backwards fitted hat to work out didn’t help. I fucking hate people who work out in backwards fitteds.