Can The Jets Just Sign Jared Lorenzen Already? What’s Taking So Long?

by Ham… follow on Twitter @yourboyham11 and Like us on Facebook 

Yeah I know it’s a joke and all. Oh bring back the Pillsbury Throw Boy! Hefty Lefty can save the day! LOLOLOL how funny would that be? He’s the best option the Jets have, am I right guys?

Uhhh… yeah dude, you actually are 100% right.

Jared Lorenzen is absolutely the best option the Jets have at quarterback right now. Who’s better? Rex Grossman? Tyler Thigpen? Matt Flynn? Get the fuck out of here. Give me the ThrowBoy over those guys any day of the week. And sure, the last time we saw Jared he was shoving chicken fries in his face and unable to jump off the ground and bellyflopping into the pool with the Barstool guys, looking about as mobile and athletic as Pussy Bonpensiero…

… but that arm, man. That arm hasn’t faded a bit.

And that’s all he needs. The Jets require three things and three things only from their QB this year: 1. Throw an occasional deep ball in the vicinity of Eric Decker… 2. Throw a fade route in the vicinity of Brandon Marshall in the redzone… 3. Don’t turn the ball over… You’re telling me the Throwboy can’t do any of that just as well any of those guys?

As well as Tyler “I bet you didn’t know I’m already 31 years old” Thigpen?

As well as Rex “Wait, teams are still calling for me? What?” Grossman?

As well as Matt “I’m still getting paid off that one 6 TD game five years later” Flynn?

As well as Bryce “The most stereotypical Big 12 System QB Flop of all time” Petty?

As well as Ryan “Harvard Graduate, in case you didn’t know” Fitzpatrick?

I’m pretty sure he can fulfill the requirements just as well as those guys. Honestly he’d probably do it better, and would bring some stability to an absolute joke of a locker room. I mean the guy is a Super Bowl Champion. So the fact that he isn’t already in a room with the Jets front office shows just how big of a joke that franchise really is. Just fucking sign the guy already guys. Pretty much anything is better than trotting out Fitzmagic in Week 1.

eli_lorenzen

Aug 28, 2008; Indianapolis, IN, USA; Indianapolis Colts quarterback Jared Lorenzen (13) passes in the second half against the Cincinnati Bengals at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, IN. Mandatory Credit: Frank Victores-US PRESSWIRE CREDIT: FRANK VICTORES/USA TODAY SPORTS

FOXBORO, MA - AUGUST 30: Justin Rogers #51 of the New England Patriots presses Jared Lorenzen #13 of the New York Giants at the Gilette Stadium on August 29, 2007 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images) ORG XMIT: 76359910 GTY ID: 59910JR022_NEW_YORK_GIAN


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