All of These Idiots Doing the Scorpion Fall Need to Learn How to Tuck and Roll

By Ham… Follow on Twitter @yourboyham11 and like us Facebook 

scorpion1

People, have you ever heard of a tuck-and-roll? When someone eventually snaps their spine in half doing this they have nobody to blame but themselves. I don’t get why everyone tries to break their fall with their arms out and head up. It has never worked, ever. Best case scenario is you end up with burns and scrapes on your hands. But most likely you’re going to end up with your feet  over your head and a spinal cord more worn down than Courtney Love.

I myself am the master of the tuck and roll. Been perfecting it for years. I’m like a gymnast. The moment I start to fall, I start the tuck and roll. I get that extra step, give myself a boost, tuck the head, and roll right back up onto my feet. Even if I can’t get the extra step, I’ll boost myself up with my hands and roll right through. It’s poetry in motion. Even at my clumsiest moment, I’ll still tuck and roll myself up. Maybe I’m just walking down the sidewalk, stub my toe on a crack and stumble forward. I might break my mother’s back stepping on that crack, but I ain’t breaking mine. Head tuck, roll, back on my feet. Boom. People put down their forks and knives and applaud me. And I’ll casually walk away as they say, “There goes Ham, King of the Tuck and Roll.”

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