Looking Good Jonah Hill!… Feelin Good Ham! Part 3

by Ham… follow on Twitter @yourboyham11

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Jonah! My man, pots and pans!

Pots and pans that are apparently still used to chef up 8 meals a day. Dude are you still an actor or did you take a job making pizzas in Queens?

I’m all about the fat boy life, Jonah, but you look like Rob ate Big.

I mean are you dressed like a pizza chef because you’ve been filming some big Rocket Power movie that we don’t know about?

We still really like you as an actor Jonah, we really do. Please don’t go the John Candy route. Mix in a salad every once in a while. Even if it’s just a salad slice from your pizza shop.

*wipes sweat on apron, licks fingers*

That’ll be $5.75. Cash only… Thanks buddy. NEXT!

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Previously on “Looking Good Jonah Hill!… Feelin Good Ham!”

jonahhillpart1

Looking Good Jonah Hill!… Feelin Good Ham!

Jonah! MY MAN POTS AND PANS!!!

Pots and pans that are apparently used to cook eight meals a day. Jesus Christ dude. I’m all about the fat boy life, but you look like a Blowfish that just got made.

I know Dadbods are all the rage right now, but I don’t know if girls are looking to get cuddled by a grapefruit with a slick-back.

I appreciate that you like to dive head first into each your characters, but I don’t want to wait 20 minutes for you to stair lift your way on stage to get that Oscar. Figure it out man.

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Looking Good Jonah Hill!… Feelin Good Ham! Part 2

Jonah! MY MAN POTS AND PANS!!!

Looks like our boy Jonah is getting closer and closer to that lifelong dream of becoming Otto the Orange.

Holy fuck. I know my fat ass might be throwing stones in a glass house here, but at least I can bend over to pick up a stone without needing a triple bypass.

Jonah, I like your movies man, I really do. I’d like to see you get another great role and not just be typecast as the sun in every space movie.

I mean there’s fat, and then there’s “I need to carry a handkerchief for the sweat every time I go outside” fat.

Maybe mix in a salad every now and then, guy. You look like you ate Mark Mangino but passed up the orange because it looked too healthy.

I’m not entirely sure here, but I think it might be a good idea to get off the quaaludes for a little bit while you focus on hitting the gym and not being the shape of a fucking quail*. Figure it out man.

*Nailed that quail/quaaludes joke Ham. Nice work.

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