by Ham… follow on Twitter @yourboyham11
TIME — Soon, you won’t need to go to Taco Bell to satisfy your burrito craving. Taco Bell will come to you.
The fast-food chain will be launching its delivery service in more than 200 restaurants in Los Angeles, Orange County, the San Francisco Bay Area and selected regions in Dallas, the company announced in a statement. They will be teaming up with startup DoorDash, and orders can be taken on DoorDash’s website or their mobile apps starting today.
Yum Brands, the parent company of Taco Bell, have long been thinking about extending a delivery service to the brand. In late May, CEO Greg Creed told analysts that adding such a service to Taco Bell could be “a massive sales driver for the brand.” Pizza Hut, which the company also owns, offers a well-established delivery business.
The delivery service is the latest way for popular fast-food outlets to cater to the demands by customers for an easier, faster way to order their food. In April, Chipotle announced it was setting up a partnership with Postmates to start delivering their menu of tacos and salads to 67 cities. In May, McDonald’s began testing a delivery service to selected areas in New York City.
If you’re hungry for a late-night bacon club chalupa from Taco Bell, however, there’s bad news: Taco Bell delivery service is only offered between 10a.m. to 11p.m., according to Bloomberg.
Seriously Taco Bell, 10:00am to 11:00pm? Jesus Christ guys, know your role. I know you want to cater to millennials as a real meal option and recruit breakfast defectors with James Harden, but at the end of the day you’re just Option A for drunk kids who want to eat the shittiest thing they can get their hands on. This delivery service should only be available from 11:00pm until 5:00am. You’ll probably save some lives by preventing drunk people from driving to Taco Bell, and you’ll make a killing from high kids ordering waaayyyyy too much online. Plus, anyone who is going to eat Taco Bell outside of that 11:00pm to 5:00am window should at least need to walk their fat ass out to the car and drive there.
Which brings me to my second point…
Look, I know I’m not in the best shape. I’ve made that abundantly clear to you guys so far. But I just need to say that if you get Taco Bell delivered to your house between 10:00am and 11:00pm, you need to reevaluate everything in your life. Everything. You’re either a fat piece of shit or one of those skinny kids who can eat whatever he wants* and not get fat until it all catches up to him in his late 20’s. And you’re also probably way too high or way to drunk for 3pm on a Wednesday. Probably both. Just going to Taco Bell at any time before midnight is already unacceptable enough. At least you made the effort to leave your house. But if you get it delivered, you’re an absolute mess of a person. And you’ve gotta figure some shit out.
*I legitimately fucking hate kids like that. The kids who can polish off three bags of candy a day but look totally healthy. Who haven’t eaten a vegetable since 4th grade yet don’t have manboobs. Who polish off a gallon of Hi-C like Big Head from SIlicon Valley but still can’t gain a pound. Drives me nuts. And yes obviously it’s because I’m jeal. Just let me have this hatred.